Immediately after Emily's birth, I said to myself "I would totally do this again." After Jessica's birth all I could think was "that was brutal, excruciating, and frustrating... the worst feeling in the world. I never want to do that again."
Warning: this is an extremely long and detailed post about labour and delivery!
On May 25th I woke up at 1:00am to use the washroom and add calamine lotion to my belly. Steve heard me and came in to ask if anything was happening, but nope, I wasn't feeling anything. I woke up again around 2:00am with a strongish contraction, but quickly went back to sleep. Finally, I woke up at 2:45am and felt significantly different. I stayed awake and within a few minutes I woke Steve up and said that the contractions were getting stronger. I told him I would go downstairs and time them, then probably call my mom. I didn't even make it downstairs; I was just getting dressed and said "never mind, I'm calling my mom now". By the time my mom arrived the contractions had gotten even stronger so I was sure this was it.
On the ride to the hospital I had to focus and breathe through the contractions. Those stops, bumps, and turns were definitely uncomfortable.
We arrived at the hospital around 3:30am. We got bad news when we got there -- they were very busy that night! They put me in a triage area with two other labouring moms. Time went by and the contractions kept picking up, but still no one had come to check on me. I just walked around the bed (I had a couple feet of space between the curtain and the bed) and when I felt a contraction coming, I leaned over the bed and strongly exhaled through it.
When a nurse finally came to check me, she said I was 4-5cm dilated and still had a ways to go.
Side note: I didn't like this nurse at all. She had a very strong, joking personality and was almost rude at times. The first thing she said when she came in was "having fun yet? [I was clearly going through a contraction and in lots of pain, so I just stared at her and frowned] ... I guess not!" [acting insulted that I didn't think her joke was funny].
Anyways, I have to say I was pretty shocked that I was only 4-5cm given the pain I was feeling. The nurse hooked me up to the monitors (which meant I was confined to the bed) and when asked about pain relief I said, "nothing."
I wish I knew the amount of time between each phase of my labour, but there weren't any clocks around and I was a little preoccupied ;). Regardless, the pain got progressively worse. I found it very hard to deal with it while lying in the bed and my mind suddenly went to "I don't want to feel this anymore." Steve and I talked about it and I decided that if I hadn't progressed enough by this point, I would consider the epidural. The next time they checked me (which felt like an eternity later), I was still only 5cm. That was enough for me to say "I want an epidural!!!"
When I asked the nurse about getting the epidural, however, she gave me a terrible answer: "Yeah, I don't know. The anesthesiologist is busy right now and besides, we can't give you an epidural here (in the triage area), it's not safe." So I had mentally prepared myself for total pain relief, which is huge considering I was planning on having a natural birth, but there was no way of knowing when/if it was going to happen.
After writhing in pain (quite loudly) for a while and being very unhappy, another nurse came in with Nitrous Oxide (laughing gas). I was confused given I didn't ask for it, but I took it as a sign that the epidural wasn't coming any time soon and that this was my only option. Nitrous Oxide doesn't take the pain completely away, but it is supposed to provide some relief for most women. You breathe the gas in with each contraction to ease the pain of that contraction, then it quickly leaves your system. I think that taking it made things worse for me though. I was totally addicted to that temporary decrease in pain, so eventually when things got worse, it felt like it was 100x worse and the gas wasn't providing enough relief.
Know what's weird? Listening to another woman labouring at the same time as you... Wondering what she's feeling, how her pain compares to yours, and how she's managing.
Me and my Nitrous mask.
That curtain, by the way, is the only thing between me and the hallway.
The worst part of it all was having to go through painful labour without any privacy or coping mechanisms like walking, swaying, a birthing ball, etc. Instead I was lying in bed in an open area (so all the nurses, visitors, husbands, and labouring women could hear my moans/screams/cries). Really embarrassing and just physically inhibiting.
By this point I was about 6cm dilated (only??) and was begging for the epidural that they couldn't give me. They told me that a labour/delivery room was finally empty and I could get my epidural once in there, but time kept going and that room wasn't coming. They just kept saying the room was being cleaned, that it won't be long now, but it kept not happening!
A while into transitional labour, after lots of intense breathing, screaming, and some tears, they finally came in and took me to a delivery room.
Once we were in there, things turned around very quickly. The room was large, private, and calm. I was finally able to stand up (so much better!) and between contractions I sat on a birthing ball which felt wonderful. The contractions were so intense, but by standing, leaning over the bed and exhaling forcefully, I was able to get through them. And look! I'm actually smiling.
Maybe 10 minutes later I felt lots of pressure. I lay down in the bed, screaming with pain. The doctor came in and said my bag of waters was bulging. She said that as soon as they break my water I would have baby. Such sweet words -- the end is near!
The pain I was feeling at this point was the worst ever. It's so hard to describe.
After setting things up for delivery, they broke my water and told me I could push with each contraction. Pushing through a contraction was definitely a relief (compared to just breathing through it), but it was also very intense and felt like I was having the largest bowel movement in the world. After about 10 minutes of pushing, Jessica was born at 7:49am.
They placed her on my chest and I just felt so relieved. I had a "normal second-degree tear", which they stitched up while Steve held our new (crying!) baby.
Like I said, the experience as a whole was incredibly frustrating, excruciating, and I just don't think I could ever do it again. And if I had to, I would make sure I go into labour on a non-busy night at the hospital! ;) I later found out that there were 11 labouring women that night and only 7 rooms available, which is why I was stuck in triage until the last possible minute.
So given that Emily and Jessica's births both lasted about 5-6 hours, both included little to no pain relief, and both resulted in a healthy baby girl, why was one so manageable and the other so terrible? I'm guessing it's because one had a private room, standing/walking/swaying throughout, and great progress with each check. The other had the opposite of this, plus other disappointments. In the end though, they were both unquestionably worth it.
To read Emily's birth story, click here.
